This week has really flown by. I have been really busy with a lot of things, but it’s all good.
On the call this past Sunday, 1/21/18, Mark talked about saying goodbye to the “old friend”. Saying goodbye to the person that not whoe we truly are, but is in our associative memory and has been running the show. Mark shared his experience of writing things out, burning them, and then spreading those ashes symbolically removing that part of him so he can move on. I’ve tried to let go of that part of me for the last 10 years, but as Mark referred to it as “saying goodbye to an old friend” that’s exactly how I have felt. That part of me did not want to be alone, and I felt guilty trying to kill it off or simply leave it behind because it’s been a part of me for so long. As I said, I have struggled to find a way to say goodbye these past 10 years, but then in one of my sits this week it came to me. I can say goodbye and allow that part of me to go to heaven as opposed to walking away from it. Essentially he would be leaving me, he wouldn’t be alone, he would be happy, and he would be able to watch me grow, develop, and shine.
As I had that thought, I could immediately feel that part of me say “yea that can work for me”. That’s the first time I’ve ever felt ok with letting go and the first time that part of me felt good about it as well. It’s actually quite a relief and I can slowly feel that I am letting go of that old part of me and at the same point in time that old part of me isn’t making me feel guilty about moving on because he is going to a really awesome place. We are both letting go.
I feel this is a breakthrough for me. When Mark also had us write out “What am I pretending not to know?” and focus on that this week I discovered that I am addicted to struggle. There was a caller that asked a question about this on the call and Mark replied back to him “why am I pretending not to know that I am addicted to struggle”. That really hit home with me so I spent some time on that; it’s true for me as well. The anthesis of this for me is “letting go or moving on”. I think thru that comment, and my sits, the solution of letting go by allowing that part of me to go to heaven came to be.
To start the process of letting go I thanked that part of me for everything he did, because I truly am. He is an old friend and was doing all he did to protect me and take care of me. He got me to where I am at 50. And at the same time I don’t need his protection any longer and the limitations he is placing on me are no longer needed and are quite frankly holding me back in serious ways. I have God’s protection and that is all I need. It is time for me to truly become who I am meant to be and become the best version of myself possible.
Saying goodbye, letting go, and moving on has just become much easier. This is going to be a process for me, but I have finally have permission from that part of me to move on. And that is a huge step! I am feeling very grateful!
My Big Three are constant reminders as I continue moving forward, are further anchored, and are becoming a driving force:
- I persist and I succeed!
- Henceforth I consider each day’s effort as but one blow of my blade against a mighty oak!
- I always keep my promises!