Before a New Year can start the current year has to finish. Back in around September, a friend of mine, Austin Haines, with Free Will Dream, committed to doing 100 live Facebook episodes and theme was ” “Get Free, Stay Present, and Move Forward!”. The goal wasn’t really to do one every single day, but in order to do a 100 he pretty much almost needed to do just that. His intention was to help as many people a possible, give freely of his time, and finish the series on December 30, and 31. These last two were going to be very special in that he was inviting those in his circle to come on and share their thoughts about lessons from 2017 and anything they wanted to communicate to his audience to help inspire them. Hoping that everyone would get at least one little nugget from his guests. These guests ranged from life coaches, and entrepreneurs, to professional speakers, and health coaches. He called me and asked me to be on the December 31st event as I am also a Health and Life Coach and of course I said yes.
Then the anxiety began….. Why you ask? Well that’s a great question. The last few weeks of the year had been a struggle for me. I was talking a good game, but my actions were not congruent with what I was saying. I had very little desire, and procrastination was the main theme of my days. I hadn’t been working my business, I wasn’t doing much around the house, I was watching TV and pretty much avoiding doing much of anything. Sure I did some things like Christmas shopping, took the dogs for a walk here and there, and a few other things, but at the end of the day I really wasn’t taking action in the direction of my goals and dreams. I was in a down mood and wasn’t doing my daily rituals nor was I consistently doing the MKE exercises. I had very little desire and at the same time I really couldn’t figure out why I was feeling that way I was, and at the same time, I wasn’t doing much to get myself out of the funk I was in.
Which brings me back to being a guest on Austin’s special Live FB event on New Years Eve 2017. He had put in so much work over the course of those first 98 live events. It was freaking inspiring to watch him stay the course and keep his commitment. Live FB after live FB. I didn’t get a chance to watch all of them, but I was able to see and participate in about 15-20 of them. He persisted even when it was tough, even in times when he wasn’t having a very good day, and I’m sure at times didn’t really feel like doing it. The interactions with his audience was great and you can hear in his voice that he truly cares about helping others and he poured his heart out to his audience every night.
His guests on Saturday, December 30th were all terrific. They all brought their “A” game; you could feel their energy and that they were living what they talked about. And that is what hit me the hardest. I felt these people were living their advice, living what they were talking about. And here I am not being congruent. I had prepared a few points and things that I wanted to share as well a key lesson from 2017 and a key point to take into 2018. But the more I thought about it the more I felt I couldn’t speak. I was not living what I was about to talk about. I hated to text him and let him know that I had to back out, but I just didn’t feel right about it. Do as I say, not as I do? Not cool! It just would not be right. I would not be speaking with integrity and thus I decided to back out. I’ve not yet explained to him why I decided not to participate, but I feel really bad. I missed an opportunity to help him and his audience.
That weighed heavily on me this week. That I was not doing the things I should be doing to accomplish my goals and dreams. In the evening of New Years Eve, I decided one thing that I was going to do in order to help get me out of this crap state I’ve been in. The T.V. has been my way of procrastinating and a way to keep me right where I was emotionally. In AA there’s something called 90 in 90; 90 AA meetings in 90 days. It helps keep especially those just starting their sobriety journey to be immersed in the program and keep them focused on their sobriety. The T.V. was having the exact opposite effect on me and giving me an excuse to not do a damn thing and to actually slip backwards; my attitude, my emotional state, my desire to do things, etc. So I took this 90 in 90 concept I learned from AA and committed to absolutely NO T.V. for 90 days. I stopped recording programs, and deleted a bunch I had yet to watch on the DVR. Starting Jan 1, 2018 was my timeline. I needed a line in the sand and New Years Day was a great one to take advantage of.
So, here I am, day 5 of 90 and things are beginning to shift. It’s crazy how my habits revolve around T.V. I have a lot of thoughts about doing something and then turning it on. Then my next thought is, nope that ain’t happening because you committed to 90 days. Then I ask OK what can I do that is productive with that time and then I start doing that. At times I find myself doing other things to procrastinate instead of taking action towards my goals and dreams, but that is happening less and less. My attitude and emotional state is changing back into being excited, joyous, grateful, and blessed. This is who I truly am!
Living with integrity, walking my talk, growing and being my best every day, inspiring and helping others transform their own life; this is what is in my heart and this is where I feel at home and at peace. This I will persist to be and I will succeed!